Further Evidence on the Subjectivity of Success

In my September newsletter I talked about the subjectivity of success - meaning success isn't always measured by dollars and cents. In fact, I'm learning that it is never defined by dollars and cents.

Well, my husband forwarded me an email from Family Life in which someone further reinforced my theory. Here is the excerpt below:

A friend sent me an email posting from Ruth McGinnis, a Nashville recording artist and author, who had recently been diagnosed with ovarian cancer. In the midst of her ordeal, God began reframing the definition of success in her life:


One of the most powerful insights I’ve had as a result of this unexpected detour in my well-planned life is truly understanding that the value of my work—the books I’ve written, my instrumental recordings, the speaking and performing I’ve done for countless years—has nothing to do with commercial success. I always thought that to be “successful,” I would have to register in the marketplace with some measurable impact, like making the New York Times best-sellers list. As a result, even though I’ve enjoyed a rewarding career as a creative person, I’ve always felt that somehow I’d never quite arrived—that my life was incomplete. Having cancer has forever changed this. The cards, letters, gifts, phone calls, and emails I’ve received from people I know—and many I’ve never met—have revealed to me that the reach of my work and the value of my simply being here is greater than I ever could have imagined. I am convinced this is true for each one of us. That we all tend to be hard on ourselves and measure our achievements against harsh standards. We fail to appreciate our own contributions, and we forget to acknowledge the gifts, beauty and efforts of others. I will never think of success, fulfillment and contentment the way I used to. Cancer has swept the veil away from my eyes—has given me a new way of looking at life and rethinking everything. It is an unexpected gift.

Your life will be measured, not by the amount of money or power or fame you gain, but by the way you allow God to touch others through you.

How do you define success?

Nicole

Flexibility: Unpopular but Good

Yesterday we confirmed that little Naya is breech. She's been this way for quite some time and despite our hopes that she would wiggle into the head-down position, it doesn't seem very likely. So the verdict is that I will have to have a procedure to turn her and to induce my labor in just two weeks. And I know many of you think I'm crazy for this, but I'll have to get an epidural, and I was hoping to have her natural.

So there you have it. My birth plan and my vision for Naya's birth have pretty much disappeared! So what's the lesson I'm learning from all of this? Flexibility.

This isn't how I pictured things going, but in the end, the most important thing is that I have a healthy baby. That is much more important than my birth plan and my huge fear of needles (yikes!). And it's a little dose of something called life. Things seldom go exactly as we plan, and it's easy to get frustrated by that reality instead of remembering what is most important. This is a difficult concept for planners like me!

Flexibility is a good thing. It keeps us sane. It keeps us focused on what is most important. And it embraces change....

Nicole

The Fate of "Jon & Kate Plus 8"

By now, I'm sure you've heard the news that America's most beloved multiples family "Jon & Kate Plus 8" will be going through a divorce. The announcement came this week that Jon and Kate are calling it quits after 10 years of marriage and eight beautiful children. I have always been a fan of the show. Like you, I watched in amazement while this couple seemed to pull off the impossible. So I was saddened when the rumors of discontent in the marriage began surfacing a few months ago, and even more disappointed to hear that Kate has filed for divorce.

I don't know exactly what happened in the Gosselin household. Supposedly infidelity, disrespect, and much more has tormented the marriage. The one thing I do know is that somewhere along the way, other things became more important than the marriage -- and ultimately the family.

Many things come into our lives with the potential to threaten the things we care about most. Sometimes their allure disguises the potential danger that they possess. For instance, a high-paying job might solve your financial problems, but its demands on your time could tear your family apart. Or, a friendship that promises partying and non-stop fun could de-rail you from graduating on time. Is it worth it?

If I take anything away from Jon & Kate's situation it's that we must never let anything become more important than the things we care about most - no matter how "sexy" they might seem. In the end, when all is said and done, I wonder if Jon & Kate will realize that they risked everything for nothing at all.

An Inspiring Eulogy

Before getting on a plane for Alabama on Monday, I went to the wake of a good friend's mother who recently passed away. It was a sobering moment - one that reminded me that life is so fleeting and that I don't want to waste one minute of it. My friend, Erica, has been a an example of strength through this whole thing, and when she sent me her brother's eulogy for their mother, I realized just how wonderful a person and parent Gabriel K. Chan really was:

If this has taught me anything, it's that life is uncompromising, but if there is anything my Mother taught me, it's that you shouldn't compromise your life. My Mother is the perfect example of that. Through adversity, she let her light shine through and succeeded in living a "full" life. She got to travel the world and see sights that many us may not get a chance to; she started and ran a successful business for many years in a time when many business would come and go; she gave to numerous charities for she believed in sharing what she earned; enjoyed the little things in life. that could easily be over looked; but most importantly she dedicated herself to giving Erica, Priscilla and I a life with meaning and purpose. She did nothing less than an extraordinary job at giving us a warm, loving home, and raised us to believe that if we believe in ourselves, that we would be capable of doing anything. When I think back at how my Mother lived, I can honestly say that I do Believe. I believe in LOVE and that it is more than just a four letter word... that it is genuine feeling with endless potential. I believe in the word "family" and all the love and support that can grow from it's roots if planted and nurtured correctly. I believe in the way you can effect and change the world in small ways that you may not even be aware of it... just like my Mother did. But mostly, because of my Mother, I believe in life. In all the wonderful possibilities and dreams you can have and all of beauty we are all capable of seeing and creating. She was all of these things... love, family, change, life... my MOM. I can never thank her enough for instilling me with such undying love and faith, but I hope I can live on her dreams, her possibilities and make her proud of the fact that I aspire to be a full, complete person, just like her. I know that with the endless love and support of my family and friends, and that of my Mother's that is so deeply buried inside of me, that the cracks in my heart will fill only causing my heart to grow bigger. In the face of this hardship, we should all find the courage that my Mother had and not only remember her life, but remember how she lived.Rainer Maria Rilke wrote, "...let happy memories sustain you if your strength fails you, they are always there, and their current does not run backwards, even across foggy country it floats toward the future." We are so lucky to be able to share so many.

Love,
Nicole